Sunday, October 10, 2010

Wake up. It's midnight.

I wake up in the middle of the night disturbed. Why? Tomorrow is a big day, a turning point in my life, so I am basically nervous. I am unable to return to sleep, so I get up and reach for the wall as I try to find my way towards the kitchen. I am walking really slowly in fear of tripping on a chair or something. The wall disappears. This is the doorway, I suppose. I move my hand up on the wall before the doorway. I find the switch. I turn it on. My eyes are forced to half-close as the light is intense. The kitchen is a mess. My brother didn't wash the dishes after the "meeting" he had with those football players last night. I look away from the sink and I turn my gaze to the fridge. Its door was ajar. He'll never learn, will he? I think, as I remember the sight of my brother, a walking mess, after he comes home from the football practice.

I open the fridge door completely and lean my head towards the fridge as I search for my small bottle of water. It catches my eye at the edge of the third shelf. I reach out for it and grab it. It is so cold. I slowly remove the lid and start to drink the tooth-aching-cold water. I put the bottle down and turn my attention to the clock. It was a quarter past twelve. Ugh, I will never be able to wake up tomorrow at six. What am I doing? I should be sleeping, dreaming of what was going to happen tomorrow, like normal people.

What am I nervous for? Tomorrow is day, just like today, or yesterday, or any random day from last week. Why am I feeling it was different, beside the fact that it was actually, well, different? Tomorrow is the day of a big event, but does it matter? Does it really matter? If it's going to be exciting, if it is going to be disappointing, will it matter? My life is like a roller coaster ride; after every up there's a down and after every down there's an up. I struggle battles everyday and there's just too much pressure. But what is pressure anyway, other than being that hard weight thrown upon our shoulders that hurts us if we don't perfect? And do we ever perfect? NO, so that is why it's always there. Who cares if things are not "perfect"? Because no matter what we do, they are never "perfect".

I feel those unstoppable Q&A getting chain-linked and a cloud of thoughts is formed in corners of my mind. I was thinking too much. I hate those days, days I'm thinking too much. If I allow my train of never-ending thoughts to go on and on, I will never sleep tonight, not even for ten minutes.

Now, shut up, train of thoughts. I need to sleep. Tomorrow, after all, will be different and I don't care whether it is good different, or bad different, but I want something different, a rush of fresh air to breathe.

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